Today Is Not a Waiting Room

I want to embrace today.

Currently, I live for the future, with an ever-shifting destination in mind. There is a longing in me for arrival at a future reality where I am at home in the world after achieving certain milestones. After figuring out my career, starting a family, finding enlightenment, and so on.

I know these are all good things. I also know this is why the present feels like a liminal space, a transitionary period, a stop on the way to the "Promised Land." The number of these milestones knows no bounds. For every single target I check off my list, two new ones appear. Like a dog chasing its tail, or a child running towards her shadow, my pursuit of a final destination is a creation of a mind that has not fully grasped the reality of what is: that the destination is a mirage.

I do not doubt this desire for a final goal is healthy; in fact, I am inclined to think it necessary for survival. I can see how this can enable one to hope, to dream of the future, and bring it to fruition.

My issue is that I neglect the present when living for the future. Dreaming of the gift of tomorrow, I devalue what today has offered. Everything that is here and now is overshadowed by what could be.

A question I am stumbling my way into is this: is it that awful to spend the rest of my days here? If my life were to end tonight, which it might, there is a non-zero chance of it—would that be so bad?

Yes, I have not achieved certain things, but am I here to achieve goals and hit milestones? Is my purpose in life to measure up to other people? Is it to chase what culture has said I should chase? To get my life together? To make money? To become a successful individual? To find a romantic partner? To bring into this world children of my own? Is this what life is really about?

Fuck that.

I know tomorrow is not promised, so I should not use it as a compass. I will live here and now. Life could just be this, as it is today, and why should I resist it being like this for however long it goes on?

PS: This is not an argument for a hedonic or nihilistic lifestyle.