This Strange Sensation

I feel this strange sensation I can't put a finger on. It feels like a mix of happiness with a hint of sadness. It's exciting while being subtly sad at the same time.

I wonder if this is about my ongoing musical project Indian Bansuri, which I've just played back. This sensation could be reflecting the song's themes of sadness in the lyrics and, excitement in the cinematic sound design.

I wonder if this has something to do with my feelings about relationships and yearning for connection. A worry that I have carelessly hurt someone with a single text message, and yet, at the same time, a recognition that there is a connection.

I wonder if this is awakening, a feeling of seeing what's up, a realization of the capital S Self. Not connecting or re-connecting—I can't re-connect with something I'm always connected to—but rather a feeling of opening one's eyes. 

I wonder so many things. 

Maybe this is just Tuesday after lunch.

Maybe there isn't much to it.

Maybe it is just what it is.